As The Coachmans (me, Dale, & Cullen) were walking to the Brooklyn Children’s Museum yesterday in the snow, Dale started to sing his own version of Kirk Franklin’s “Why Do I Sing?”. It was funny and cute. It was also the truth.

I’ve been singing around the house lately. To Cullen. To Dale. In the Shower. While I’m cooking. While I’m working. You get the picture?! I’ve been singing more than I sang probably during the entire year of 2010. I love to sing but over the years I’ve become very disappointed and consequently, insecure of my voice quality. I don’t sing like I used to when I was a token Black girl in the Concert Choir at my predominantly white high school. I don’t sing like I used to in front of family and friends during holidays and birthday celebrations. The point is….I miss singing. In depth, I miss the Tia that I know myself to be. Not just the singing Tia but the sassy Tia, the unafraid Tia, the unabridged Tia.

Fortunately, my last post put it out there for all to see and for the universe to absorb….I’m back….and, in full effect.

So, now, I sing.

I know I gotta stop doing this…this disappearing act. It’s just that I haven’t really had time to sit and write. But, things are changing. You’ll see…

Anywhoo, my friend Nuri sent me to this website where some folks are prompting responses for blog writers by asking them/us daily reflective questions about our life in 2010. They (#reverb10) started this on December 1. I’m starting today – Decemebr 15, 2010. Don’t judge me. Please and Thank You.

So, here’s the prompt….response to follow:

5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

1. Cullen crawling up his grandparents stairs before he started walking…He’s ahead of his time.

2. Cullen tasting real food for the first time…He makes the cutest faces.

3. Cullen’s first smile…He’s gorgeous.

4. Cullen giving me real hugs…He’s so sweet and has such an old soul.

5. Getting my real estate license…Long-term goal accomplished…Check!

6. Coachman Fish Fry 2010…Sorry you missed it…

7. My 27th Birthday Party in DC….although I really don’t remember, I heard it was a GOOD TIME. Ha!

8. The Quinns telling us that they are having a baby….I fainted for the first time in my life.

9. My godson, Rashad Escarne, is the cutest little bit of chocolate…..next to Cullen.

10. Working in DUMBO….Working with Monique…She’s such an inspiration. Love Her.

11. Feeling myself grow everyday….I mean, really feeling the growth. AMAZING.

Inspiration comes to you in due time.
So, I’ve been away from this for a good long minute. Taking the time to sit & breathe & relax & write is not my strong suit. But, I’m learning. I was just about to work out, then my Wii Trainer reminded me that it’s my rest day. (whew!). So, I sat down & breathed & relaxed & decided to write.

After thinking about today’s events, I realized that the tragedy of life that unfolded yesterday was resolved today. And, the prospect of my tomorrow is much brighter today then it was yesterday. Seriously, I didn’t know if I was going to make it yesterday. They say when it rains, it pours. They (whoever they are) weren’t just talking about the heavy, ugly rain, but also, the the type of rain the comes when sun is bright. I love that type of rain. It inspires me. I guess you can tell….it rained today.

Back to the future…it’s gonna be bright. And, sometimes, it’s gonna rain. I am calmed by knowing that when it rains, it pours…for better and for worse. I’m writing this while Cullen is laying next to me biting his toy to soothe the pain of teething. I’m writing this because I can now tell him it’ll be alright.

Soooo…..I just feel like writing.

I guess that’s the purpose of this thing (blog)….to get my thoughts out of my head. Lately, I’ve been thinking about my life and about how I am ready for the next chapter. With Mr. Cullen (btw, that’s the baby’s name and yes, he’s a boy) on his way, I have to get my ish together real quick (a little over 3 months left).

My husband asked me if I was depressed today. I am not. But, I am pressed (as they say in the DMV) to make some moves. Shannon calls it soul-searching, the step you need to make just prior to making major moves. It’s not easy but when it’s time to search your soul…you’ll know it…because you can’t think of or do anything else.

Now, there are no instructions on exactly how to search your soul. You just gotta do it. For me, I have to get some tea, get naked (it’s hot in Brooklyn and pregnancy=internal temperature of fire), and sit on a comfy surface in the quiet of my apartment and try to still my thoughts along enough to let some new ones come through. Have a pen and paper near and jot down things/thoughts that I KNOW I’ll forget. (I forget plenty.)

So far, it’s working for me. But, I still feel like I have a lot more searching to do.

Stay tuned…